NOT A DAY GOES BY

By Kalia

'Got a picture of you I carry in my heart'

And his wallet, though no one knew that.

'Close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark'

Rarely in his in life, be it in relation to his family or to his duty as Watcher, had Giles ever encountered an entity such as her. She lit up his world completely, showing him wonders he never dreamt existed.

'Got a memory of you I carry in my soul'

The first time he had ever seen her. It was his first day on the job as librarian of Sunnydale High. A smokescreen, as he was really there as new Watcher to the Slayer, but then she had walked into his library and into his heart. A shy, insecure, but highly intelligent girl with gleaming eyes and an incredible thirst for knowledge.

'I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold'

Maybe it was wrong, maybe not. It was love, no matter what.

'If you asked me how I'm doin' I'd say just fine'

He'd perfected lying to all of them, even though it nearly ripped his soul in half whenever he lied to her.
She was so very trusting and he hated to do to her the one action that he despised to the very core of his being. He tried to be honest with them always, even when he knew it would be so much easier to sugar-coat his words, tell them all what they wanted to hear…what would let them sleep at night. But he couldn't. For many reasons, one of them being that Buffy's life depended on his honesty.

'But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind'

Oh dear lord. If she could…how wonderful…how terrifying.

'Not a day goes by that I don't think of you'

Day? Try second.

'After all this time you're still with me it's true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside'

He didn't even live in Sunnydale anymore, having returned to England months before, yet still his love for her remained just as strong and just as unwavering.

'Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by'

He couldn't help it. He saw her everywhere.

'I still wait for the phone in the middle of the night
Thinkin' you might call me if your dreams don't turn out right'

He had been surprised the first time she had called him, tears choking her words, breathing erratic. He was caught off guard when he realized that it was Willow's voice, not Buffy's, describing to him her nightmare. Buffy was the only one who would ever call him at three o'clock in the morning in such a state. She told Giles that he was her "human nightlight."
It had worried him when it was his Slayer, but when Willow was haunted by nightmares it terrified him. It also left him feeling incredibly guilty. It was his fault, after all, that she and Xander knew of Buffy's Slayer status in the first place. He was the Watcher and never should had let civilians get involved…especially ones so very young. He had listened to her, comforted her, and always wished he could do more…in every sense.

'And it still amazes me that I lie here in the dark'

Even though she would never cease to amaze him.

'Wishin' you were next to me, your head against my heart'

Oh, he had experienced that small taste of heaven one night. She had been sitting next to him on his couch, the two of them poring over ancient volumes of demon lore when her book dropped into her lap and her head landed on his chest. She had fallen asleep reading, her body and mind overworked and overtired. He had jumped slightly, startled, but smiled softly at this peaceful being at his side. He covered her with the afghan off the back of the couch and draped a large arm over her petite shoulders. She snuggled closer and slept soundly, safe with him.

'If you asked me how I'm doing I'd say just fine'

Again lying to her.

'But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind'

Again, a terrifying notion.

'Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
After all this time you're still with me it's true'

He tried. He tried desperately to get over her. She was far too young for him and they had been through too much together. To her he was, much as he was to all of them, a father figure. The stalwart, strong, caring male influence that, sadly, the entire Scooby Gang lacked.

'Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by'

Nope, not one day.

'Minutes turn to hours, and the hours to days
Seems it's been forever that I've felt this way'

He couldn't recall a time that he hadn't loved her, couldn't imagine his what his life was like before he had met her. He had loved her from the first second he'd laid his eyes upon her glorious face, her eyes bright and alive, red hair blazing like a sunset that set the sky on fire.
Of course, that all just made him feel like a monumental fool.
Love at first sight? Really now Rupert.
Love at first sight…with a student? Jesus, Giles
Dirty old man…
In love with the best friend of your Slayer?
Dear Gods…
But there it was. He was in love with her. Hopelessly, helplessly, madly in love. Rupert Giles loved Willow Rosenberg with all that he was, all that he had. Every fiber of his being cried out to touch her, kiss her…love her in so many different ways…every single day of his life.

'Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
After all this time you're still with me it's true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by'

© 3/19/02

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