By Jade-Rose S.

The orange autumn leaves fell all around him as he stood by the entrance to the Bronze, waiting. Waiting for her to come to him. Waiting here for over an hour and a half, and still no sign of his beloved. Even though Willow stopped and said hi on her way from The Magick Box, Riley still felt deserted, even though he tried to convince himself time and again, that Buffy's feelings for him were as powerfull as always. Sure, her mother was sick. Sure, she spent alot of time training and patrolling now. But he knew that deep down, Buffy still cared for him, that he was the only one for her.

Or was he? Riley wondered. Did she not let Dracula bite her last August? Did she not pretend that nothing was wrong, and that there was nothing peculiar about her sister? Was it not Spike in her house that day, smelling her sweater as if he wanted to eat the very scent of it? Riley shook his head and smiled. He had no right to be thinking like this. Buffy would never--

"Hello Riley." he heard a familliar voice say. he turned around, and there stood Buffy, beautiful as always, wearing a long turquiose skirt and a royal blue embroidered silk blouse. With her long, flowing hair the colour of sand, she looked like the ocean itself, and Riley felt like he was going to melt right there, if she kept gazing at him another minute.

Buffy approached him and tried to smile, but Riley saw that her smile was sad and seemed forced. "I’m sorry I made you wait," she said, "it's just that my mom needed me to pick up her prescription, and I wasn't sure I could trust Dawn to do it."

Riley smiled, knowingly. "She's just a kid."

Buffy's gaze hardened. "She is my sister, Riley, and you have no right to speak of her this way. If Mom. ." her voice trailed off, and for a moment she looked ready to burst into tears, but she quickly gained composure and took a deep breath. "She’s all I have left."

Riley felt like she would burn a hole through him with her stare. "Buffy, I. . .I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. . .i-is there anything I can do?"

Buffy sighed. "No. No, there’s nothing." she said calmly, before turning around and walking from the Bronze, untill she disappeared into the night. Riley watched her walk away, leaving behind nothing but an essence of emptiness and a feeling of utter loneliness and desolation.

* * *

Buffy walked the empty streets, contemplating everything she and Riley just said. Of course, Riley shouldn't have said that about Dawn. sure, she was a whiny, selfish brat sometimes, Buffy could not deny that, but nonetheless, she was her little sister and she needed Buffy. But still, was it really something worth getting angry about? She already annoyed Riley enough by making him wait for over an hour, and now she added to that by bailing on him like that. Of course, picking up her mom's medicine wasn't the real reason for her lateness. It wasn't that she wished to put the date off or anything, she assured herself, it's just that she spent so much time getting ready and trying to look perfect for him. . .except that she looked just as perfect as she went over to Giles' this morning.

And was there really nothing Riley could do? Not that he could really understand what it was like to have your mother terminally ill, but he could at least listen, and give her a shoulder to cry on. There was no question about it, Riley was the sweetest boyfriend. And loyal. And gentle. And boring.

Buffy stopped in her tracks. Did she, Buffy Anne Summers, actually dared to think of Riley as boring?

Yes, she did. And it was no use denying it. For over three months now she has been trying to figure out what was going on between them. It felt like some sort of rift, growing bigger and deeper and wider. Buffy did not feel like she could trust Riley with everything any more, and they spent much less time together now than they used to. And it wasn’t just because of training, either. Buffy realized that for the past two weeks, she and Riley have done nothing except going to the movies or the Bronze, and maybe out for coffee once in a while. All during the day, when she was supposed to be looking after her family.. . ..

Stop it, Buffy. . . she scolded herself. What do you expect him to do, take you rock climbing at 11:00 P.M.? She started to laugh at the Idea, but then realized it would be kinda nice after all.. . .that way she’d still be training, and spending time with Riley. That is, if he ever got out during the night, Buffy thought, then remembered last week, when he suddenly decided to join her on patrol. Buffy smiled, recalling his awkward attempts to stake a vampire, before blowing up the entire mausoleum in frustration. "He even ruined my patrolling that night!" she said out loud, surprised at how unlike herself her voice sounded, echoing through the trees. She thought of the vamp she missed while trying to keep an eye on Riley, and sighed.

"I love him," she said loudly, on purpose, just so she could be aware of the words. And yet they still sounded peculiar to her, as if she was saying them for the very first time.

* * *

When he was sure Buffy was out of sight, Riley left the Bronze and started walking to where he never would have gone last year, at least not without a valid reason. Tonight, he decided, there was nothing else for him to do, nothing else that would make his life worth living, at least for a moment. He walked around some trash cans left out on the road, and opened the gate, kicking a rock with his foot as he entered the abandoned building that was in serious disrepair.

All around him he could see vampires, big ones, small ones, old ones, young ones, female, male, vampires of all sorts imaginable. They were all holding onto human beings, sucking their blood with a passion Riley had not seen since the day Buffy first kissed him. The only difference here was that these vampires wanted these people. They craved them, even though there was no logical way they could possibly love them. This need, this hunger for being wanted overwhelmed Riley, and he fainted. . .falling into the arms of a young female vampire, with fangs as sharp as the knife Riley felt Buffy had plunged into his heart. . . .

* * *

Buffy opened the front door and stepped into her house. "Hello?" she called out, waiting to hear a responce from Dawn or her mom. Then she saw a note tacked to the doorknob:

Buffy,

Mom had to go to the hospital. I went with her. Mr. Giles

drove us in his car. Please come when you return.

Dawn

Buffy’s face turned pale, and she leaned against the wall. She read the note again, overcome with worry. "At least Giles is with them. . ." thought Buffy, wondering what could possibly be wrong with her mom again. She was feeling much better the day before. Buffy started to leave, intending to go to the hospital, when she saw a familliar black trench coat lying on the floor near the stairs.

Alarm crossed Buffy’s face. She dropped her purse and ran upstairs to her room. she flung open the door, and there stood a handsome man with platinum blonde hair, apparently looking through Buffy’s high school yearbook. Buffy sighed with exasperation.

"Spike!" she almost shouted, as she walked across the room and punched him in the nose, "what the hell are you doing in my room??"

"Ow!" Spike exclaimed. "God she’s beautiful. . ." he thought to himself, and smiled sheepishly. "Hi Buffy. I was just. . .waiting for you, that’s all."

"Why?" Buffy questioned, crossing her arms. before Spike had a chance to answer, she noticed something, and looked at the yearbook over his shoulder. Her eyes widened. "Is that my freshman picture? God. . .what was I thinking when I got those highlights?!"

Spike smiled. "Actually, I don’t think you look that bad here, Buffy. That colour . . .it kinda suited you, you know?"

"Look, I don’t have time for conversation, Spike. I have to get to the hospital, now. There’s something wrong with my mom again. So I’m leaving, and you’d do just as well and get out."

"Do you want a ride?" Spike offered.

Buffy looked at him incredulously.

Spike scoffed. "Then how else are you going to get to the hospital? I, for one, know you haven’t got a bloody license yet. Now, you accept my kind offer and go see your mum, or you can stay right here at home. . .and let down your family."

Buffy frowned and looked at her watch. The next bus would definitely come no sooner than in thirty minutes, and she wanted to be with her mom as soon as possible. Of course, Spike wasn’t exactly the chauffeur she would have preferred, but he was better than nothing.

"Fine," Buffy answered, tossing him the keys, "but you better get me there like you said you would, or you’re heading for some deep trouble. And don’t think for one second I don’t mean it--I’ve got a stake right here." and with that, she pulled a stake out of her pocket, showed it to Spike, and even sharpened it, with a flourish.

Spike watched all this, not amused. "Like I said before, I want to help you, not hurt you. Now let’s go."

They left the house and went to the car. Spike promptly occupied the driver’s seat, Buffy sat down next to him, and they drove off to Sunnydale Memorial Hospital. Buffy was skeptical of Spike’s driving abillities, but she was anxious to see her mother.

On their way, Spike tried to make awkward conversation.

"So, uh. . .how are things going with Corn Boy?" he asked sheepishly.

Buffy grew tense. "I haven’t been talking to him much these days, actually." she said stiffly, and a long pause of silence followed.

When they got to the hospital, Buffy jumped out of the car, and took the keys from Spike. "That will be all now. So, you can go. .. on your merry way." she said, quoting Spike himself. she started to walk towards the building, but suddenly stopped, as if remembering something. "Thanks," she said to Spike, tossing him a $10 bill, before turning around and walking to the hospital. Spike watched her enter the tall building, not uttering a single word.

* * *

She just gets cuter and cuter every minute!. . Spike thought, as he walked back to his crypt, thinking of his good fortune. Not only did he get to see Buffy tonight, he actually helped her, and she thanked him for it! And the money didn’t hurt, either, he thought with a smile. Maybe there still was a way they could. .. .no, that would be utterly impossible. Spike sighed. He never felt this way for anyone in his entire life, not even Drusilla. And this time it was the Slayer, of all people! What’s the matter with me? Spike asked himself. There were plenty of other women, vampire women, in Sunnydale, why did he have to go and fall for one who was his absolute enemy? Not just his, the enemy of his kind! Still. . .she just had that je ne sais quois he never could find in anyone else. not to mention, she was rather pretty. . .much prettier than all that other riffraff! God, that Finn boy was lucky. .. much luckier tha!n he realized. What could Buffy possibly see in boring Cap’n Cardboard?

Spike stopped. Buffy’s words echoed through his mind:

" I haven’t been talking to him much these days, actually."

Why? Spike wondered. Could it mean that. ..things were looking bad for the star-crossed lovers? He chuckled. Maybe this opened up a whole new world for him. . .

Spike grinned, an Idea brewing in his mind. . .

* * *

Some time later, Riley finally came to. He got up off the dirty ground, stained with blood

and ashes, and looked around him. The vampires that were so abundant in the place just several hours earlier had all somehow mysteriously disappeared by now. Riley stretched his sore muscles and took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the fresh night air. He felt surprisingly good, wonderfull even, and smiled, enjoying the beauty that was night time. As he walked out of the demolished building, he noticed a cat crossing his path. he grabbed it before it could get away, and sank his teeth into the cat’s soft neck. With a soft "Mrow", the cat grew still, as Riley hungrily drank it’s warm sweet blood. He hadn’t eaten anything since morning, and he was starving. When he licked the last drop of blood off the cat, he flung the limp corpse into the woods, feeling a satisfaction that he had never known before.

Suddenly, Riley saw a figure approaching him. He started to defend himself, untill he realized that the figure was none other than Spike.

"There you are," Spike said. "I have been looking for you, mate."

Riley could feel all of his hatred for Spike draining away, just like he drained the kitty’s blood five minutes ago. "Hello, brother," he replied.

"Brother?. . " thought Spike, alarmed, then he understood. His smile grew wider. "So, Iowa boy is no longer white bread, eh? Decided to take a walk on the wild side, for once? I must admit it, I’m impressed. Didn’t know you had it in you."

"There’s alot you don’t know about me, Spike," said Riley, "but you will find out soon enough."

Spike’s grin suddenly vanished. He remembered Buffy, who right now was probably hearing heartbreaking news about her mother. As much as he hated to admit it, causing the Slayer pain was now the last thing he wanted. . .well all right, the almost last thing. . .

Because her smile was the only light to his darkness that did not kill him.

* * *

Buffy raced through the halls of Sunnydale Memorial as fast as her feet could carry her. She dodged a young man on crutches, and nearly crashed into an old lady in a wheelchair, before she finally reached the waiting room, where her family was waiting for her.

And there they were: Dawn, Giles, and. . .Joyce. Joyce was dressed in regular cloths, looking as healthy as Buffy remembered her.

Buffy skidded to a stop. "Mom?" she asked, praying it was what she hoped it was.

It was. "Everything is fine, I just had to come in here for some final testing, and seems like there is truely no more tumor left," said Joyce with a smile. "Buffy. . .I can go home now!"

Dawn was grinning as she hugged Buffy. "Too bad you were out on a date with your boyfriend, otherwise you could have come with us and heard the good news for yourself!"

Buffy cringed at the word "boyfriend", but nobody seemed to notice. She hugged her mother, relieved that everything was going to be okay. "Mom, that’s great! Oh god. . .I was so worried. . .Dawn, don’t ever scare me like that again!"

Dawn frowned. "What did I do?"

Buffy sighed and laughed with relief. "Never mind," she said, shaking her head. "Oh Mom. . I love you so much!!" she said, hugging her mother again.

"Um, if I may intervene, now that Buffy’s here and we know this good news, might I offer to drive you lot home?" Giles questioned. "Joyce needs to rest. .. and Buffy, you did not get any sleep either."

Buffy shook her head. "I still need to patrol tonight," she answered, "but I’ll try to squeeze in some Z’s when I return."

"But we appreciate your driving us, Mr. Giles," said Joyce, putting her arm around her youngest daughter. "Dawn, don’t forget that you have school tomorrow," she said fondly. "See you later, Buffy, and as always, be carefull!"

Buffy smiled. "I will," she replied, waving to them as they got into Giles’ car and drove home.

* * *

Buffy left the hospital and walked through the graveyard, staking an occasionnal vampire that happened to pass by. For some reason, tonight was not a busy night for vamp activity. The hospital was two miles from Buffy’s house, and she was tired, but she knew that she had to do her job. As she walked past a random tombstone, she noticed a shape leaning against a tree. The shape looked oddly familliar, and as she approached it, she recognized Riley, who apparently seemed to have noticed her too.

"Buffy. . ." he ordered, "go home right now.. . ."

The remorse Buffy felt about their disastrous date sharply returned. "Riley. .I’m sorry, about what happened tonight. . .I know I shouldn’t have said what I did. . .I just--"

"Stop." Riley interrupted her. "If you want to save your hide. . ." he stepped closer, baring his sharp gleaming fangs, ". . leave now."

Buffy felt like she was going to be sick. She stepped back, away from him, stumbling on a rock. Tears filled her eyes, blinding her vision, and she grabbed a tree branch to steady herself. "Riley?. ." she whispered, not believing what she was seeing. This person could not possibly be her boyfriend.

Her boring boyfriend. . .

Overcome with shame and emotion, Buffy turned and ran all the way home, faster than she had ever run before. Several times she almost fell on the ground from exhaustion and sorrow, and the only thing she could think of was, Not again. . .

Oh God, not again! . ..

She somehow managed to reach her house, and fumbled blindly with the doorknob, searching in the darkness for the keyhole. She opened the door, escaped to her room, and collapsed on her bed, weak and exhausted, with no strength even for crying.

The whole night, she kept tossing and turning, wondering about how this had happened. How long had Riley been a vampire? Not very long, obviously, since she had seen him in sunlight many times.. . and he did have a reflection. . .so he must have been sired this night, after she had left. But by whom? Spike? No, that was impossible. .. Maybe he went out patrolling that night, and was attacked or something. . .Damn! She told him many times to stay out of her Slayer business, but did he pay even the slightest bit of heed?. . .Was he evil now? Did he remember anything that happened before he. . .

Buffy sighed. She knew she probably would never know the answers to these questions, but she could not help wondering, and she could not erase the heavy thought that had taken over her mind:

It was my fault.

If only I hadn’t thought these evil things about him, he would still be normal, Buffy thought sadly. How could I have thought him boring? heh, now he’s anything but that. Buffy had never felt so ashamed of herself in her entire life. .. not even when her parents got divorced. Why on earth did I snap at him about Dawn? she asked herself. It’s not like he wasn’t right, at least partially. And now this is what I get for opening my big mouth. . .

As the hours flew by, Buffy blamed herself more and more. Maybe if I hadn’t left so soon, I could have prevented this from happening, she thought, and while I was at it, I could have at least had the grace to come early. And I should have brought something for him! Like. . I don’t know. . .cookies, or flowers, or something! I’m such a bad girlfriend. . .if I’d only been more thoughtful, and considerate of his feelings, he would not pull an Angel on me.

Angel. . .the one word was all it took for the tears to start flowing. This was the second time in Buffy’s life that this happened, and she had a feeling it probably won’t be the last. But this was much, much worse. With Angel, she knew he was a vampire, and technically, her enemy. But Riley. .. Buffy trusted him. She trusted him with everything she had. She had given him her heart, body, and soul!! And now he suddenly went from normal Joe to.. . a monster. The thing she was supposed to kill.

I’m a terrible person, thought Buffy, before the powers that be closed her eyes and she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. . .. .

* * *

The next day, Buffy and Willow were sitting on Willow’s bed, eating chocolate Ice cream. Buffy stared at her hands, her fingernails were painted sheer gold. . . the nail polish was given to her by Riley on one of their better dates.

Have I ever given him anything on one of those dates?. . thought Buffy suddenly. She could feel the blush returning to her cheeks as she recalled the time Riley took her to see "The Matrix".. . . .

It was a Saturday matinee, Riley picked her up that day in his car, and they drove to the theatre. Once there, he insisted on paying for both tickets, even though Buffy brought plenty of money with her. Then, in the middle of the previews, Riley asked Buffy if she wanted some popcorn.

"Yeah. . I’ll go get it," said Buffy. "Do you want something too? Coffee maybe, or a soda?"

Riley stood up. "The movie will start any minute now, you just sit right here and enjoy it. I’ll get everything, don’t worry about it."

"But then you will miss the beginning!"

"So?" shrugged Riley. "It’s your day, Buffy. I want it to be special for you."

"Riley, it’s ok," Buffy told him, standing up herself. "I’ll take care of it."

"It’s about me taking care of you!" exclaimed Riley. "Why don’t you just let me spoil you for once, I know you’ve had a busy patrol night yesterday. Just. . .relax! Have fun!"

"I’m having lots of fun, but you need to relax too. Just let me get the popcorn, you paid for the tickets after all." Buffy insisted.

"Because it’s a man’s job, to take care of the woman!" Riley practically shouted at her, ignoring all the heads turning in their direction, and all the voices shushing them.

This was the last straw for Buffy, who had had enough of all this "man strong, woman weak" crap. She turned around and walked out of the theatre, reminding Riley that she is the Slayer, and does not need him taking care of her all the time.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Willow, noticing the distant look in Buffy’s eyes.

Buffy snapped out of her trance. "Oh, um. . just that date with Riley. . .you know, where we had the fight about the popcorn?"

Willow’s heart ached for Buffy. After the story Buffy told her, Willow truely wished this was happening to her instead of her dearest friend.

"Maybe if I hadn’t made such a big deal about it then, Riley would never have been changed," Buffy said. She shook her head. "God, I’m such a jerk.. . ." she sighed. "I know I brought this on myself, I didn’t appreciate him enough, when he would do anything for me, and yet this is killing me now."

Willow hugged Buffy. "You’re being way too hard on yourself," she said. "I wouldn’t be friends with you if you were truely the person you’re describing."

"Thanks, Will," Buffy whispered. She sighed and looked towards the door. "I should be going now. It’s getting dark, and. ..well. . .I guess I better find Riley and. ..find out exactly what he is up to. . ." her voice shook as she said this.

Willow looked fondly at her friend. "Good luck with this. Remember, you can sleep over here tonight if you want, if you don’t feel like going home. . ."

"Thank you so much, Willow. Mom’s just starting to get better, and I don’t want to worry her with my mood, and the same goes for Dawn too, actually. I’ll see you later then, ok?"

Willow nodded. "Bye-bye."

Buffy smiled a sad smile. "Bye."

She left Willow’s house, heading for the cemetery that Riley was in yesterday. She wondered if Spike knew about Riley, not that it really mattered. The sun was going down, and Riley crept out of his cave, licking his fangs with anticipation.

* * *

Joyce turned off the TV, and got up off the couch. "Dawn?" she called loudly.

"Yeah, Mom?" Dawn replied from her room.

"I want to go for a walk and get some fresh air," Joyce said, "I’ll be back soon, ok?"

Dawn ran downstairs and saw her mother was putting on her coat. "Are you sure you’re feeling well enough to go outside? Want me to come with you?"

Joyce smiled. "It’s all right honey, I am just so sick of staying inside all day. . .first the hospital, now home. I really need to get out of here."

"Maybe we should wait for Buffy," Dawn insisted.

Joyce smiled and shook her head. "She’s over at Willow’s. I don’t know if she planned to spend the night, but I don’t want to wait for her. If she does come, tell her not to worry about me, ok?"

Dawn nodded. Joyce put on her hat and left, closing the door softly behind her. She walked the streets of Sunnydale, thinking about how lucky she was to have survived the surgery, and then maintained such positive results afterwards. She walked past an old cemetery, and suddenly a dark shape jumped out in front of her.

"Hello, Ms. Summers," the shape said. "Didn’t Buffy ever tell you it is dangerous to be in this area at night?"

* * *

Spike sat alone in his crypt, thinking about everything Riley just told him. It sure was a crazy story, Spike decided. Especially the whole "Buffy doesn’t love me" part. . . this was just getting better and better. Spike smiled with pleasure. It’s definitely the end of Corn Boy and the Slayer, Spike thought. And that’s where I come in. . .. he giggled at the thought and took a swig of his beer. Finn was a fool to let that vampire whore bite him, but in the end it all turned out beautifully in my favour. . .Now, do I tell the Slayer about Loverboy or not?. . .

Or maybe she already knows. . ..

Spike got up, and left the crypt with a look of determination. He headed straight for the cemetery, wondering if he’d find what he sought there.

"Riley?. . " asked a terrified Joyce. The shape nodded, and moved into the moonlight so Joyce could see his face.

"You know, Joyce, it’s pretty interesting finding you here, today, at this hour. . " Riley said, with a laugh. "It’s funny how some people end up being in the right place, but at the wrong time. Don’t think I’m not glad to see you, cause I am. No doubt about that."

"Oh, Riley, why did you scare me like that?" Joyce asked. "Have you seen Buffy?"

Riley laughed. "Buffy? Ah, she’s around here somewhere. . .Come to think of it, I did see her. Yesterday. She didn’t stick around for very long, though. Never does. Always buzzing off, on her own little business. You’d think she’d show some thought for the people in her life, but nooo. I mean, you’re out of the hospital, walking around like a Happy Meal with Legs, and she doesn’t even care. Never did care for me, either, when I was supposedly her boyfriend. But enough of that. She’ll pay the price for not loving her mother soon enough. . ."

Before Joyce could say another word, Riley opened his mouth and bit her. . .just when Buffy and Spike simultaneously reached the graveyard. They both looked at each other, their expressions saying, what the hell is going on?? and then Buffy realized that it was her mother Riley was draining.

She watched him brutally murder the only parent she had left, the only person to whom she was still a normal girl rather than a superhero, the one who was there for her through hell and high waters, through thick and thin, the one person who loved her with an unconditional love. She watched this and said nothing. What could she possibly say? But she felt empty inside, as if it was her being drained, as if with her mother’s blood, Riley somehow drained the life out of her. . . .

Finally, Riley dropped Joyce’s limp body on the ground, and stared at Buffy with coldness and evil in his eyes. Buffy blinked and felt her blood flowing back, the colour coming back to her face. She took a step towards Riley and pulled her stake out of her pocket.

Suddenly, a memory flooded her mind.. . .something that happened so long ago, Buffy wasn’t sure if she even ought to still remember it, and yet it was as vivid in her mind as if it had happened yesterday.

Angel. . .standing in front of the stone demon. . .waiting for the world to be sucked into Hell. . .Buffy, standing before him, with the sword. . .

Buffy dropped the stake. Not again, she thought. Not again.

Riley’s mouth slowly formed a smirk, as he sneered at Buffy’s inability to do what she had been destined to do for the very first time.

Spike, however, could only think of one thing: Buffy. Quick as lightning, he grabbed a sharp stick that was lying on the ground by his feet, and plunged it into Riley’s heart.

Buffy watched her lover explode before her eyes, and crumble into an insignificant pile of dust. She looked at Spike, who upon seeing the look on her face, turned away so she could not see the pain in his eyes.

Buffy turned around and walked away once again, leaving behind her all the pain, all the sorrow and hurting of her past. Spike watched her walk away, knowing he could do nothing to bring back the only woman he had ever loved. He watched Buffy disappear into the night, and felt, for the first time in his life, a feeling that set him apart as human.

Remorse.

The End

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